I have been reading a magazine called ‘Spirit and Destiny’. After scanning the newsagent’s shelves for something meditative or soulful it seemed the best on offer for a deeper, esoteric read. I have enjoyed reading it but it see
ms to offer me a contradiction. Here I am carrying on my quest for mindfulness and in the moment ways of being, practicing patience, which the articles include, yet there is also this ‘searching’, this need to know. Searching – to know the future, to have an answer immediately. No working it out, or through, for myself then? I am left feeling confused and with the feeling that my own searching, my need to know, my impatience has led me ‘here’. It feels that all roads have led to this point, that there is something important I have to learn and I have to learn it for myself. That despite my best efforts there does not seem to be any short cuts or get out of gaol free cards. I have to learn to sit with my unsettled feelings, I have to tune in to me and listen. Maybe I even have to believe in myself. I am sitting with my husband in the living room musing as we often do in the evening about our house move. Reality check – for musing read agonising! We are renting after the house we were purchasing fell through, but our own house sale had to go ahead or lose our buyer. We were never sure where we wanted to move to and it seems fate has brought us to this little village. Is this the place, and the house, for us? Or should we heed the call of the sea and head for the coast, any coast? There is a sense of ‘rootlessness’ about us I think, we don’t feel we have any real connections to a particular place. It almost feels as if something vital is missing, an energy depleted. My husband has seen an article on ‘I Ching’ in the ‘Spirit and Destiny’ magazine. A bit like tarot you ask a question and throw three coins six times, adding up your score and drawing either a broken or solid line depending on the total you get when you throw the dice. You then match this line line drawing to the pattern on pre-printed cards. We do all this and find our card – ‘Chien’, wait, have patience, work it out for yourself it says… I need to have my dreams then and listen to my inner voice. But to dream, to hope, is to ask for something and that surely means I will have already invested in it, made an emotional connection. If that is the case then I suspect patience is going to be the harder lesson.