Seven Years 06/11/2014
You had your 7th birthday yesterday Robin. You are growing up so fast and I have felt speechless, oh not lost for the words to tell you that I love you or wish you a happy birthday, no, those I can find. But I can’t find the words for what I am thinking, in fact I can’t seem to get to my thoughts, I feel as if I am holding my breath somehow, scared the moment isn’t real, scared if I think about it too much I will spoil it or it will disappear. It feels as if I am on the outside looking in, and that’s when I realise I feel like the lone wolf on the outside of the pack, that I have put myself there deliberately for self-protection and suddenly I exhale, I let go of the tension. I feel I have been walking around you, circling, watching you, there for you but not willing to think or feel too deeply. ‘Seven years, where have they gone?’, your daddy asked me, and I smiled, shook my head but I didn’t let the thoughts find a home or settle with me, more they slid off, fell away unclaimed. I was keeping everything out, it felt so strange not having the words to hand, not being able to break through to myself and feel an inner rhythm or connection with my feelings. Words aren’t needed when you have nothing to say, but you have nothing to say when you can’t find the words and you can’t find the words because you realise you are divorced from your inner life and don’t know how you are, so why would you need words? So ‘Seven years, where have they gone?’, let me find the words. They have gone so quickly because we have been happily absorbed in bringing you up Robin. We have felt truly overjoyed and blessed to be your parents and felt privileged to be on this journey with you. You have grown up so much in the last two years. Your wonderful sense of humour making all those around you laugh, your sense of fun and raucous laugh seriously infectious! There is an inherent sense of what is just that you carry inside of you, of what is right and good, you champion fair play and cannot understand cruel words or deeds. There is a natural sensitivity about you that is both timeless and as old as the landscape itself, you feel the meaning of things deeply and feel the urge to protect and conserve. One of your childhood heroes has been Optimus Prime of the Transformers and we very often tell you that we feel you are our very own Optimus Prime. Your energy is boundless and your imagination limitless – long may that be the case. You are loving, confident, warm-hearted, loyal and trusting. Not always traits that make the playground an easy place for you to navigate. But 28 of your friends came and helped you celebrate your birthday, what greater proof could there be of a boy who is at the heart of things? And of course that is where these seven years have gone for us, as your parents and as a family, we have been living from the heart and that is also your gift to us Robin, and we are so very grateful for it. We hope you had a happy birthday poppet and we wish you so very many more to come. Love you.